BubbsPoetry

This is why it means so little. Since the age of 12 I witnessed it on a big screen. Moans of pleasure, but just for the treasure.  Beneficial for the wealth that made their pockets as big as their prints. But love was never in the picture. Middle school was filled big bellies and open mouths. Everybody wanting a quick nut, no planters. Never thinking about the consequences, just the short satisfactions. Or the fact that at the age of 16 I almost lost my innocence. Hands on my body, lips on my neck. "Stop" must've meant "go", and the word "no" must've sounded like "yes" My savior happened to be a gun pressed between fingers, As he ran out of the back door before it got too much for him to handle. It could be because of my first boyfriend, who wasn't my first. And though even with sex, I still ended up getting hurt. Because I wasn't the only one. And even when we did, it always ended with a problem. More than one ...

I know that jealousy is an ugly trait, But at this moment I seem to possess it. So I wouldn't be surprised if everyone pointed and stared, And laughed at the features God seemed to grace me with. See she has something that I want. Yet something I can't seem to get. Maybe I should forget. Yet with every moment I'm in its presence, I yearn for it more. It disguises itself in clay, Hardening itself to protect it from the world, Yet it can't deny its original form. And she has found a way through. While I'm slowly chiseling away of the surface, Hoping to find my diamond underneath. Leading us to a bright future. She doesn't deserve it, I know that I'm not perfect, But she's not worth it. Yet she has it.... His heart.. Just call me a deadly sin.

I blame Gravity. The force that attracts the body to the center of the earth, or any other physical body having mass. And that body happened to be you. Pulling me towards your heart. And like north and south poles, we don't want to pull apart. And even though I wasn't ready to be moved, you were inertia. I blame Gravity. Cause the moment you made me fall for you, it didn't pull me up or allow me to float. And it seems so far to the ground, yet you've already caught me. But like a ride at the amusement park, I've never been so excited to lose my breath. I blame Gravity. Physics, Science.. For never really explaining how love works. Its like a thief in the night, an ache with no cure. The breeze in the summer air, and a laugh filled with tears. A contradiction of organized mess. To love, to be loved, be in love, FALL in love. I blame Gravity.

"Ugh why do I miss you so much?" "Don't mean to occupy your mind. I'll go back home and lay on the sofa." "No come here and put your head on my chest. Let the sound of my heart beat put you to sleep." "Oh how I wish I could use sound to travel. Then I could ride the beat of your heart. Use those soft thuds to navigate my way right to you."

Don't want to compare you to a leaf cause it falls, but want to compare you to the roots cause they remain strong. But that's hard for me to do, when the wind is singing the love blues. Maybe.. Maybe if I look unto a beach I'll find your heart, it's a start. Cause when I look into your chest, all I see is rocks. Why is it so hard for you to love me? Don't want to compare you to a plane, cause it leaves the sky. But want to compare you to the stars, cause they remain high. But how could you be the sun, when your love doesn't shine through me? Maybe.. Maybe if I look unto a beach I'll find your heart, it's a start. Cause when I look into your chest, all I see is rocks. Why is it so hard for you to love me? Dont want to compare you to today, cause it's descending. But want to compare you to eternity, cause it's never ending. But how can we be forever, when it barely seems like we're together. Maybe..

I wish I'd run into you. Collide so forcefully, that you'd have no choice but to see where I'm coming from. Been wandering around so blindly, Cause I lost sight of us. And I've been trying to get past you, But we keep turning the same corner. Yet some how I love when we meet, Getting at least one more chance to speak. Trying to hold in the way that I feel, So I keep some bounty just in case I spill. Been yearning to run into you. So we can gaze into each others eyes one last time. To see what each other are missing, Or maybe what we're not. To maybe get a hug and again feel at home. Oh how I'd love to run into you. But we both seem to be occupied. Our attention is steered to another. Passing time, trying to heal these wounds. Maybe we should keep our eyes on the road, So we won't run into each other. I think that I'll text and drive.

That's the thing about feelings. You try your best to push them to the side, Then run as fast as you can just to hide. Only at that moment you realize, that in you those feelings reside. That's the thing about feelings. They demand to be felt. Try to play with them like the cards you were dealt. but every time they come around, you tend to melt. Trying to hold yourself up like a belt. That's the thing about feelings. You never know what you're getting into. And you tried to stop them, but even more they grew. Yet, you tried so hard to dodge them when they were threw. If only you knew. That, that's the thing about feelings.

Let us stay in today. As we keep each other warm. Let's not fall into lust, but talk about yesterday. Invade each other's thoughts, and let the laughter soothe our ears. Let us admire each other's beauty. Starting from the inside out. Let us stay in today. Watching movies as we cuddle on the couch. Order takeout as we read our fortunes. As they match this very moment. Let us share our deepest secrets, and reflect on how we met. As we try to predict our futures. Everything at this very moment seems perfect. Let us make it last forever. Let us stay in today.

Remember that moment when you lost who you were? Searching all around like a game of hide and seek. Tried to play by the rules when you should've took a peek. To see where you were going, which path you would take. Just so you wouldn't make a mistake, in life. Trying to make sure everything that you did was precise. Counting down to your journey, yet too anxious to wait. 1, 2, skip a few 99, 100. Ready or not here I come! Because you wanted to fast forward life, yet God's plan was already done. Trying to be careful with every step that you made, and then the light started to fade. Stumbling in the dark, trying to just follow your heart, but in the midst you got lost. Contemplating, yet filled with devastation of the tribulation that was about to occur. Cause when night overcame the earth, the truth revealed itself. Forgetting your morals and beliefs, with keening relief of grief. Praying to God for forgiveness. With the cup to your mouth. Eyes daze...